4/58 min
Chapter 4 of 5

Love Rituals That Work

Rituals create predictable connection points that protect your relationship from the busyness of life. They don't happen by accident—they're designed.

Why Rituals Work

  • They create automatic connection without relying on mood
  • They communicate ongoing investment
  • They provide emotional predictability and safety
  • They compound—small daily rituals create massive intimacy over time
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Key Insight

You maintain what you ritualize. Without intentional rituals, relationships drift toward roommate status.

Morning Rituals

  • The 6-second kiss: More than a peck—a real kiss that releases oxytocin
  • Eye contact good morning: Really see each other before the rush
  • Gratitude share: One thing you appreciate before separating
  • Coffee together: Even 10 minutes of unhurried presence
  • The day preview: Share what your day looks like
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Choose Your Morning Ritual

Pick ONE morning ritual to start. Something simple that takes less than 5 minutes. Do it for 21 days.

Parting and Reunion Rituals

When You Part

  • A proper goodbye (not yelling from another room)
  • "I love you" said with eye contact
  • A hug that lasts

When You Reunite

  • Greet them before checking your phone
  • A real hug, not a half-hearted one
  • 2-3 minutes of genuine checking in before tasks
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How bids for connection are handled at the end of the day deeply impacts relationship quality.

Dr. John Gottman

Evening Rituals

  • Device-free dinner: Phones away, faces present
  • High-low share: The best and hardest parts of your day
  • Pillow talk: 10 minutes in bed just connecting, no screens
  • Physical closeness: Cuddling, even briefly, before sleep
  • Gratitude close: "Thank you for..." as you fall asleep

Weekly Rituals

  • Date night: Sacred, scheduled, protected from cancellation
  • Relationship check-in: "How are WE doing?"
  • Appreciation practice: Write 3-5 things you appreciated that week
  • Fun activity: Something playful, just the two of you
  • Physical intimacy: Scheduling sex isn't unromantic—it's prioritizing
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Design Your Weekly Anchor

Choose one weekly ritual to protect. Put it in the calendar. Make it non-negotiable. This becomes your weekly relationship anchor.

Special Occasion Rituals

  • Anniversary traditions unique to you
  • Birthday rituals that show you know them
  • Holiday traditions you create together
  • Milestone celebrations

These larger rituals become the stories of your relationship— "Remember when we always..."

Creating Your Ritual System

Start small:

  1. Pick 1 daily ritual
  2. Pick 1 weekly ritual
  3. Master those before adding more
  4. Adjust as life changes
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Key Insight

Rituals don't have to be elaborate. A 30-second ritual done daily is more powerful than an hourly ritual you never get around to.

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Rituals are not merely what we do together—they are who we are together.

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