We Forgot We Were Lovers: Finding Each Other Again

When our youngest started school, I (Lisa) looked at Tom across the breakfast table and realized I couldn't remember the last time we'd had a real conversation that wasn't about the kids, bills, or who was picking up whom from where.

The Invisible Transition

It didn't happen overnight. It happened over 4,000 nights. Three kids in eight years. Sleepless nights, school events, sports practice, homework battles, teenage drama. Somewhere in the chaos, we stopped being Tom and Lisa. We became "the parents."

We were excellent at parenting together. We had systems. Routines. A shared calendar color-coded by child. But romance? I genuinely couldn't remember our last date that wasn't a quick dinner squeezed between soccer and dance.

Tom felt it too. "I love you, but I don't feel like we're partners anymore," he said one night. "We're more like... friendly roommates who happen to share custody."

It hurt because it was true.

The Wake-Up Call

Our oldest, at 14, asked me: "Mum, do you and Dad even like each other? You never talk about anything but us."

Children see everything. And apparently, what they saw was two people who'd forgotten how to connect as a couple.

That question haunted me. What were we modeling for our kids about relationships? That marriage is just logistics and coexistence?

Trying to Find Our Way Back

We tried date nights. But we'd sit at restaurants and talk about the kids. We tried weekend getaways. But we were so tired, we'd mostly sleep. The spark wasn't gone,it was buried under 15 years of putting everyone else first.

A friend recommended Cuplix after her own "empty nest awakening." "It's not just for crisis couples," she said. "It helped us remember who we were before kids."

We downloaded it half-skeptically. What could an app do that date nights couldn't?

The Reconnection

Cuplix did something we hadn't thought to do: it asked us questions about each other that had nothing to do with parenting.

What's something your partner dreamed of doing before kids?

Tom had wanted to learn guitar. I'd wanted to travel to Japan. We'd both filed these dreams somewhere in the "someday when kids are older" folder,and never opened it.

What first attracted you to your partner?

His laugh. Her fearlessness. Things we'd stopped seeing because we were too busy seeing them as "responsible dad" and "organised mum."

The daily gratitude prompts forced us to notice each other beyond the parenting role:

• "I appreciated when you defended my opinion at dinner,not as a co-parent, but as my person."
• "I noticed you wore that shirt I like. It made me smile."
• "Thank you for making me laugh yesterday. We don't laugh enough."

"We had to intentionally schedule being us,not Mum and Dad. Cuplix gave us the prompts and structure to make that happen. It sounds mechanical but it reignited something organic."

What We Changed

The 10-minute rule: Every night after kids are in bed, we have 10 minutes of "us" time. No kid talk allowed. Sometimes it's just holding hands. Sometimes it's deep conversation. But it's protected time.

Weekly check-ins: Cuplix prompts helped us talk about our relationship specifically. Not "how are we doing as parents?" but "how are we doing as partners?"

Individual interests: Tom started guitar lessons. I'm planning my Japan trip. Having things outside of parenting gave us more to talk about.

Physical affection: Not just intimate,but holding hands in the kitchen, random hugs, the small touches that had disappeared.

Today

Our kids noticed. Same 14-year-old, a few months later: "You and Dad are being weird. Like, actually happy."

We're still parents first,that's the reality with three kids. But we're also Tom and Lisa again. The people who fell in love in a backpacker hostel in Thailand 18 years ago. The couple who used to stay up all night talking about everything and nothing.

We can't go back to pre-kids. But we've created something better: a relationship that includes our children without being consumed by them.

And that's the greatest gift we can give our kids anyway,showing them what a loving, intentional partnership looks like. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💕