The Pause Technique
Between trigger and reaction lives a moment of choice. The pause technique helps you find and expand that moment— so you respond instead of react.
The Power of the Pause
Your brain operates in two modes: reactive (fast, emotional) and reflective (slow, rational). When triggered, reactive mode takes over. The pause gives reflective mode time to catch up.
Just 6 seconds of pause can change a regrettable reaction into a thoughtful response.
Key Insight
The pause isn't suppression—it's giving your whole brain a chance to participate before you act. Suppression buries anger; the pause processes it.
The STOP Technique
A simple framework for the pause:
- S - Stop: Physically freeze. Don't speak, don't move
- T - Take a breath: One deep, slow breath
- O - Observe: Notice what you're feeling and thinking
- P - Proceed: Choose your response consciously
Practice STOP
Practice the STOP technique 3 times today in low-stakes moments. Building the habit when calm makes it available when triggered.
Physical Pause Techniques
The Deep Breath
Inhale slowly for 4 counts, hold for 2, exhale for 6. Longer exhales activate the parasympathetic nervous system.
The Cold Water Trick
When extremely activated, cold water on face or wrists triggers the "dive reflex" and quickly lowers heart rate.
The Pressure Point
Press firmly on the space between thumb and forefinger. This acupressure point can help release tension.
The Movement Break
Excuse yourself briefly. Walk around, shake out your hands, move the activation energy through your body.
"Respond; don't react. Listen; don't talk. Think; don't assume.
Mental Pause Techniques
The Count
Count backwards from 10. This simple cognitive task engages the thinking brain and interrupts the emotional cascade.
The Mantra
Have a phrase ready: "This will pass," "I can choose my response," or "Easy does it." Something that reminds you of your intention.
The Curiosity Shift
Ask yourself: "What's really happening here?" Shifting to curiosity mode changes brain activity from threat response to investigation.
Create Your Mantra
Write a 5-word or less phrase for when you're triggered. Memorize it. Practice saying it in calm moments so it's accessible when needed.
The Exit Line
Sometimes you need to leave the room to pause. Have phrases ready:
- "I need a few minutes to calm down. I'll be back."
- "I'm getting flooded. Let's pause for 20 minutes."
- "I want to discuss this well. Give me 10 minutes."
Always specify when you'll return. Open-ended exits feel like abandonment.
Making the Pause Automatic
Like any skill, pausing becomes easier with practice:
- Practice in low-stakes moments: Traffic, minor irritations
- Build awareness: Normal state, notice when activation begins
- Reward yourself: Acknowledge when you pause successfully
- Be patient: New habits take 6-8 weeks to embed
Key Insight
Every time you pause instead of react, you rewire your brain. You're literally building new neural pathways. It gets easier.
The Trigger Pause
Identify your most common trigger. Commit to using the STOP technique the next time it occurs. Notice the difference a pause makes.
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose. And in our choice lies our growth and our freedom.
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